WWE No Mercy 2003 GRADED - Review

Well, folks, it has been 23 years since WWE presented No Mercy 2003, a show I haven’t watched in full since taping it off Sky Sports One when it originally aired. I feel a whole lot older after writing that sentence, I must say.

The opening video package is an incredibly creepy one first looking on the upcoming I Quit Match between Stephanie McMahon and her dad, before switching focus to the WWE Title Biker Chain bout between Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker. 

This is a SmackDown pay-per-view presentation, just the third blue brand pay-per-view after Rebellion 2002 (a UK-exclusive) and Vengeance 2003. It drew around 245,000 buys, a poor number for the time and much lower than the 360,000 that Raw’s Unforgiven - headlined by Triple H vs. Goldberg - drew the prior month. 

There are about 8,500 in Baltimore, Maryland’s 1st Mariner Arena. Your commentators are Michael Cole and Tazz.

For those that care about this sort of thing, Billy Kidman beat Shannon Moore in a match that aired live on Sunday Night Heat before No Mercy started. Anyway, let’s get to it, starting with…

Tajiri (c) def. Rey Mysterio - WWE Cruiserweight Championship

As far as openers go, you could a lot worse. Tajiri is now a heel and may have blinded Nidia with the black mist on the most recent edition of SmackDown. Rey is getting his rematch after dropping the title on TV a few weeks back. 

Strong lockup to start and they both fall out of the ring. Back inside, they try some kicks and go back to the lockup. Arm drag and a single leg by Rey. Tajiri counters and works on the arm, but Rey flips out of it. Tajiri with some chops, but Rey lands on his feet on a back suplex attempt and hits a wheelbarrow arm drag and a dropkick to the knee. Rey counters a handspring back elbow attempt with a dropkick to the back and hits a plancha. 

Back inside, Rey goes for something off the top but Tajiri throws him arm-first on the top rope, then follows it up by throwing Rey’s arm into the ring post. Tajiri continues to work over the arm, until Rey comes back with a springboard arm drag. Tajiri quickly kicks him back down, however. Back to the arm for Tajiri, until Rey fights back and hits a jumping tornado DDT off the top rope, which gets two. 

A springboard second-rope crossbody gets two and they trade pins before Tajiri catapults Rey, who lands on the apron. Rey leapfrogs back in and takes Tajiri over the top with a monkey flip of sorts, before hitting a hurricanrana off the ring apron. Springboard hurricanrana is ducked, but Rey manages to hit a 619 to the stomach. West Coast Pop is countered into a powerbomb for a great near fall. Tajiri launches Rey, who lands on the top rope and hits a beautiful moonsault press for two. Tajiri locks in the tarantula, but Rey ducks the buzzsaw kick and hits a low dropkick to the face. 

Rey catapults Tajiri into the ropes and hits the 619 proper, followed by the West Coast Pop, but two ‘fans’ run into the ring and the ref doesn’t count as he tries to get them out of there. Rey is distracted and walks into a kick to the face, allowing Tajiri to retain. 

Grade: B- - A really fun opener, as you would expect from these two. They didn’t do too much, but got the show off to a good start and were really in a groove before the finish. The two fans would turn out to be Akio and Sakoda, who played the part of Tajiri’s henchmen for the next six-or-so months. WWE wanted to name them The Yakuza, before Tajiri talked them out of it (since that would upset the actual Yakuza in Japan).

Backstage, Josh Mathews catches up with Vince McMahon, who lets Josh know how stupid he is. Fair enough. Vince is really hurt about having to beat the hell out of his daughter later tonight. However, it’s still business, and if anyone on the roster interferes, Vince will blackball them from the business.

Chris Benoit def. A-Train

Remember the A-Train singles push WWE tried for about a year? Yeah, that’s happening. A-Train overpowers to start, sending Benoit to the floor with a shoulder block. Back in, but A-Train sends him back out with a whip. A-Train misses a clothesline, so Benoit slugs away, but he can’t get the German suplex or crossface. A-Train misses an elbow before they trade shots for a while. A-Train hits a slam and a standing splash for two. Benoit hits a drop toehold into the second turnbuckle, but runs straight into a pump kick, which gets two. 

A-Train slugs away and catapults Benoit throat-first into the second rope. Benoit is still fighting back from underneath, though. A-Train with a double-underhook facebuster, but Benoit gets his foot on the bottom rope. A-Train with some headbutts, but Benoit keeps fighting back until he’s inevitably cut off (with a Polish hammer). So A-Train puts on a hold as Benoit’s mouth is bloodied. Eventually, Benoit is able to baseball slide through A-Train’s legs and hit a DDT for a double down.

A-Train reverses a German suplex attempt into one of his own and then throws Benoit to the outside, where he drives Benoit back-first into the barricade. He grabs a steel chair and goes for a gorilla press as Benoit slips off and lands head-first into the chair. That looked HORRIBLE and A-Train is clearly a little freaked out (understandably so). A-Train sets the chair up in the corner as Benoit fires back and locks in the crossface, before hitting the rolling Germans. 

A-Train prevents the diving headbutt by throwing Benoit off the top turnbuckle and hits the Derailer for two. He goes to kick Benoit, but Benoit ducks and A-Train kicks the chair. A dragon screw into the Sharpshooter is enough to force the tap-out. 

Grade: C - A strong and surly match here, as you would expect, but I can’t think about anything other than Benoit taking a header on the chair afterwards. The post-match slow-motion replay isn’t helping matters. Anyway, it was nice of Benoit to use the Sharpshooter as a nod to the Hart family just a few days after Stu Hart passed away, but this was just a match.

Backstage, Matt Hardy is looking for Shannon Moore, who is being choked out by Jon Heidenreich (who is ranting about ‘Little Johnny’). Matt talks him into letting Moore go as Heidenreich apologises for overreacting. The whole Little Johnny thing went nowhere as Heidenreich moved to Raw and was then sent back to OVW before re-emerging with Paul Heyman as his manager later in 2004. 

Zach Gowen def. Matt Hardy w/ Shannon Moore

Matt Facts: Matt cannot be grossed out & Matt has survived five car wrecks. Let’s hope this match isn’t his sixth. 

Matt takes Gowen into the corner and hits some rights to start, before Gowen fires back and hits a couple of heel kicks. Matt slams him down, but Gowen comes back with a diving second-rope bulldog. Gowen goes for a springboard, but Moore trips him from ringside. Matt with some chops in the corner, followed by snake eyes and a big running clothesline for two. Matt with a jumping leg drop for another two count. 

Gowen keeps fighting back, but Matt slams him down. He misses a top-rope moonsault, however, and Gowen dropkicks Matt to the outside. Gowen with an impressive springboard flip dive to the floor. Back inside, a top-rope crossbody gets two. Matt hits a side effect for two. Gowen goes up top, but Matt cuts him off. Matt attempts a top-rope back superplex, but Gowen fights him off and hits a moonsault for three. 

Grade: C- - Big pop for the upset win, but Gowen’s time in WWE was coming to an end and, in fact, he was written out of storylines on the next episode of SmackDown, before being released a few months later. 

Backstage, Linda McMahon tries to talk her husband out of beating the hell out of their daughter, but Vince is still going through with the match. He’ll make a concession, though: Stephanie can now win by pinfall or submission. Oh, but to keep things fair, he’s going to make it no holds barred, too. 

The Basham Brothers (Danny Basham & Doug Basham) def. The APA (Faarooq & Bradshaw)

This match was made on Sunday Night Heat, just to demonstrate how arbitrary it is. A few weeks ago, Bradshaw gave Shaniqua the Clothesline from Hell, which was done to write her out for long enough to undergo breast augmentation surgery, with the clothesline credited as the kayfabe reason for her ‘swollen’ chest. The Bashams responded by attacking the APA with steel chairs. 

Bradshaw and Doug start off, with Bradshaw slugging away and hitting a shoulder block. Tag to Faarooq, who likewise slugs away and hits a back elbow. Faarooq with a powerslam, but Danny got the blind tag. He runs into a drop toehold, though, the useless bald b*stard. Tag to Bradshaw and the APA hit a double spinebuster for two. Tag back to Faarooq and they hit a double shoulder tackle. They mess up a jawbreaker, so Danny kicks him in the face and tags out. 

Doug slams Faarooq down but a jumping splash hits knees and Bradshaw beats on him on the outside. Back inside, Doug slips out of the Dominator and the Bashams hit a double back suplex to take over. We hit the chinlock, with Faarooq eventually fighting out and hitting a spinebuster. Hot tag to Bradshaw, who cleans house with big boots, clotheslines and tackles. Powerbomb to Doug for two. Last Call to Danny, then a top-rope Last Call to Doug. 

Faarooq accidentally punches the referee as Bradshaw hits Danny with the Clothesline from Hell. But here’s Shaniqua to hit Bradshaw with a club to the head as Doug follows up with a Rough Ryder for the three.

Grade: D+ - It was a hard-hitting match. Not always thrilling, but they worked hard and got the crowd into it by the end. WWE are clearly into the Bashams and Shaniqua pairing, with the SmackDown tag division a little thin these days (to say the least). 

Backstage, Josh Mathews interviews the Bashams and Shaniqua, who explains her new, swollen chest, which may be ‘permanent’. Shaniqua promises the Bashams some kinky sex for their efforts tonight.

Vince McMahon w/ Sable def. Stephanie McMahon w/ Linda McMahon

So, Vince has to make Stephanie say ‘I Quit’, while Stephanie can win via pinfall or submission and there are no holds barred. Loser gets fired, either way. The pre-match video package illustrates just how mental this whole storyline/situation is. Also mental? This was taking place just days before Stephanie’s wedding to Triple H. There was genuine concern she’d have to walk down the aisle with a black eye or something. 

Vince attacks from behind to start, because he’s the biggest heel ever. Stephanie jumps on his back but gets thrown off. Stephanie dodges an attack but gets shoulder barged down. Vince throws her by the hair a couple of times and trash talks Linda at ringside. Vince with some shoulder barges and knees in the corner. He chokes Stephanie on the ropes and Sable gets a slap in for good measure. Linda chases her off, but Vince has Linda retreating. 

Back in the ring, Stephanie gets a couple of kicks but Vince catches the third one and clotheslines her down. Vince, having studied his Lance Storm tapes in the build to this, locks in the half-crab as Stephanie screams bloody murder. Vince switches things up with a seated surfboard and a chinlock, which allows him to do some truly insane facial expressions. Stephanie bites her way out of it as Sable retrieves a metal pipe from under the ring. Linda pulls her off the ring apron and they fight like two drunk people outside a kebab shop until Vince breaks it up. 

Linda slaps Vince, who stumbles into a low blow from Stephanie, followed by another with the pipe and a schoolboy for two. Stephanie grabs the pipe and hits her dad a few times, despite Vince pleading his case. A second-rope shot with the pipe looks to have this won, but Vince gets his foot on the rope. Sable distracts, but is bumped off the apron and Stephanie hits a bulldog for another near fall. 

Vince starts choking Stephanie and then hits her with the pipe before choking her out with it to win as Linda throws in the towel.

Grade: C - This is such a weird one to rate. It’s inherently ridiculous and, technically, not very good at all. But it had by far the most heat out of anything on the show so far, so it clearly ‘worked’. It’s just not something I’d ever want to watch again and has aged really poorly. But they had the fans every step of the way and, at 10 minutes, at least it didn’t outstay its welcome.

After the match, Vince pie-faces Linda down and kisses Sable as Stephanie is checked on by the trainers and helped to the back. That’s her run as SmackDown General Manager over. She would only pop up occasionally over the next few years as she had kids and focused on her behind-the-scenes responsibilities.

Kurt Angle def. John Cena

Cena’s pre-match rap makes fun of Kurt’s tiny penis and insinuates that he is a homosexual. Sort of par for the course for the Doctor of Thuganomics, really. 

Angle outwrestles him to start, taking him down with a fireman’s carry and an arm drag. They run the international and Angle again gets the better of things with a hip toss and a pair of arm drags. They trade middle finger salutes before Angle tees off with right hands and hits a back elbow. Cena finally hits a clothesline, but Kurt launches him into the lights with a high back body drop. 

Kurt’s on top, but misses a running shoulder charge in the corner and hits the ring post. Back in the ring with Cena on top and hitting a pair of clotheslines and a neckbreaker for two. Angle’s mouth is bloodied as Cena locks in a chickenwing. Angle fights out of it, but is cut off with a knee to the gut. Spinning back suplex gets two as Cena slows things down with a front facelock. Angle again fights out of it, but eats a spinebuster. 

Cena heads up top and avoids the running belly-to-belly suplex, but Angle dropkicks him in the leg as he jumps off. Angle with punches, a flying forearm and some clotheslines before hitting a Russian leg sweep. He locks in the ankle lock, but Cena makes the ropes and rolls out of the ring. Angle goes for the German suplex off the apron, but Cena hits an apron DDT instead. He catches Angle coming back into the ring with a second-rope guillotine leg drop, but it only gets two. 

Cena hits a throwback for two, before Angle hits the rolling Germans for two. Angle blocks a powerbomb attempt, but Cena slugs away and hits the bucklebomb. A sensible move for a man with a perfectly healthy neck to take, that. FU gets 2.99999999. Another FU is countered into the Angle Slam for two. Cena grabs his chain, which the referee takes away, so Cena hits Angle with his own gold medals for a great near fall. 

An FU is countered into a backslide for two and another FU attempt is countered again into a victory roll, with Kurt rolling through into the ankle lock to win by submission.

Grade: B - Smart to follow up the McMahon family psychodrama with a great wrestling match. This was Cena’s best WWE outing to date, by the way, which isn’t too much of a surprise given who he was in the ring with. They had the place rocking with the false finishes at the end and this was the best match of the night (so far anyway).

The Big Show def. Eddie Guerrero (c) - WWE United States Championship

Ah yes, the match that was built up via Eddie making Show poop himself with laced tacos, before dousing him in poop. Show responded by slamming Eddie through the windshield of his lowrider, which cut Eddie’s back up something rotten. 

Eddie throws the belt at Show to start and dropkicks the knee. He keeps punching and kicking away, but runs into a clothesline. Show with headbutts, overhand chops and clubs as he starts the methodical beatdown. Eddie low-bridges Show and pushes him over the top rope. He tosses a steel chair into the ring and hits Show with a bin lid while the referee is getting rid of the chair. Eddie punches and chops away and kicks the knee, but Show gets mad and Eddie bails. On the floor, Show throws Eddie back-first into the ring post. 

Back in the ring, Show drops all his weight on Eddie’s back and stretches him a little before getting bored and hitting a forearm into the back instead. Show removes the top turnbuckle cover and whips Eddie into it. Show puts Eddie on top, but Eddie rams his head into the exposed buckle and hits a crossbody/standing frog splash for two. Eddie lands on the ref on the kick-out, then moves out of the way of a leg drop, turning Nick Patrick into a human pancake. 

Eddie takes out the brass knuckles and punches Show out, but the ref is groggy and it only gets two. So Eddie grabs the US Title belt and hits a frog splash, but it also only gets two. Show gets a spinebuster for two. Show with a chokeslam, but Eddie gets his foot on the rope. Show goes for another, but Eddie goes low and hits a DDT for two. Show is up and hits another chokeslam to win the title. 

After the match, Chavo Guerrero comes out and gives his uncle a hard time for losing. 

Grade: C- - This one didn’t really click too well. Eddie tried, but there wasn’t much he could do, factoring in the size difference and all. Show’s US Title run would last an age and he barely defended the thing. Luckily, Eddie would regain his momentum later on and find himself in the main event mix.

Backstage, Josh Mathews catches up with Big Show, who gloats about beating Eddie. Nobody is going to take the title from him, because he’s a giant. Well, yeah, that and he will defend the thing about three times in six months.

Brock Lesnar (c) def. The Undertaker - Biker Chain Match for the WWE Championship

So this is basically a steel chain on a pole match. Whoever gets the chain can use it on their opponent, but besides that it’s just a regular match. Bit of a downgrade in stipulation from last year’s No Mercy, where they had an epic Hell in a Cell match, but we’ll see how it goes. 

Brock ducks a few right hands and hits the shoulders in the corner. Undertaker fires back, but Old School is blocked. Lesnar misses a running shoulder charge in the corner, but blocks Old School once again and hammers away. Undertaker hits a big boot and a leg drop for two. Third time’s the charm for Old School and Undertaker follows up with a la magistral cradle, for a weird visual. Showing the future AAA roster how it’s done, I guess. They brawl around ringside and Lesnar whips him into the steel stairs.

Back inside, Lesnar continues to work him over and hits a fisherman’s suplex for two. Undertaker misses a running boot in the corner, but gets a hot shot. Lesnar knocks him off the apron into the barricade on the floor, however. Back inside, Undertaker hits a flying clothesline for two. With Lesnar down, Undertaker goes to grab the chain, but the lights in the arena mysteriously go out. Lesnar hits a powerslam for two.

Lesnar throws the steel steps into the ring and things get very kicky/punchy for a minute, until Lesnar drop-toeholds Undertaker onto the steps. Undertaker fires back and clotheslines Lesnar over the top rope before hitting a piledriver onto the base of the steel stairs. You don’t see that every day. Undertaker goes for the chain again, as Brock tries to stop him but ends up getting trapped in a triangle choke. Lesnar responds with a low blow and the steel stairs to the head, but it only gets two. 

Lesnar goes to do it again, but Undertaker boots the stairs back into Brock’s face. Undertaker goes to use the stairs, but misses and they go flying to the outside. Lesnar with more shoulders in the corner and he goes up for the chain. Undertaker stands up and goes for the Last Ride, but Lesnar slips out of it and there’s a double clothesline for a double down. They exchange punches and Undertaker hits some running corner clotheslines, snake eyes and a big boot. Lesnar evades a chokeslam and hits a spinebuster for two, before Undertaker traps him in a triangle choke. Lesnar simply muscles him up with a powerbomb to get out of it. Christ.

Lesnar fights out of a dragon sleeper and hits the F5. It only gets two, so Lesnar goes to retrieve the chain but is chokeslammed down. Undertaker climbs up for the chain now, but the FBI (the stable, not the government agency) hit the ring to prevent it. Undertaker cans them and Last Rides Lesnar before hitting the FBI with a spectacular running dive over the top rope. Undertaker finally gets the chain, but Vince McMahon appears out of nowhere and crotches him on the top rope. Lesnar blasts Undertaker in the face with the chain to retain.

Grade: C+ - This was long and kind of plodding for a chunk of its running time, but it was suitably hard-fought and got good towards the end with all the sports entertainment shenanigans. Not their best match together, but far from their worst, either, and a decent enough pay-per-view main event, in this writer’s opinion.

Show Grade: C - As with most brand-exclusive PPVs from this era, a lack of depth was exposed with a weak undercard, but there was enough good (or at least memorable) stuff here to make it a worthwhile watch.