WWE SmackDown Retro GRADED: January 22, 2004 - The Royal Rumble Go-Home Show

It’s the go-home show for the 2004 Royal Rumble, taking place at the Target Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

WWE SmackDown GRADED - January 22, 2004:

We start by recapping Chavo Guerrero turning on Eddie Guerrero and how the situation evolved to involve Chavo Sr. and Kurt Angle. There will be a tag team match pitting Eddie and Kurt against the Chavos later tonight. It will receive an automatic A+ grade if Chavo Sr. wrestles in the fedora he’s wearing in the match graphic. 

Rey Mysterio def. Chuck Palumbo w/Nunzio & Johnny Stamboli

Rey is the reigning Cruiserweight Champion and will defend the title against Jamie Noble at the Rumble. This, however, is non-title. 

Mysterio tries some forearms and gets knocked down with a big shoulder tackle, but counters a powerbomb attempt into a seated senton and dropkicks Palumbo’s knee. Palumbo is set up for the 619, but Nunzio distracts the ref and Stamboli pulls down the middle rope, sending Mysterio to the outside. 

Mysterio beats the count back into the ring, but Palumbo goes to work on him and slaps on a single-leg crab. Mysterio fights out, but gets beat back down again. Palumbo sets him up top, but Rey comes back with another seated senton. He gets two off a bodyscissors roll-up and hits a very nice springboard second-rope moonsault into a DDT for another near fall. 

Mysterio knocks Nunzio off the apron, but turns around into a big boot to the face. Got him right in the mask on that one. That gets two, but Mysterio dodges a charge in the corner and Palumbo hits his shoulder into the ring post. Mysterio jumps off with a crossbody, gets caught and still manages to sunset flip Chuck for the win. 

Grade: C- - This was fine. Palumbo ain’t great, but he tries hard and Rey knows exactly how to work with guys like him.

After the match, the FBI beat down Mysterio until Noble comes out and gives them their payoff. He then holds the Cruiserweight Title above his head while standing over a fallen Mysterio. 

We recap John Cena and Chris Benoit forcing Paul Heyman to eat soap on last week’s show. And here’s the SmackDown General Manager for a backstage interview with Josh Mathews. Needless to say, he’s not happy with Cena and Benoit and their lack of morals ruining his show. So he books them in a four-on-two handicap match against Rhyno, Matt Morgan, Big Show and Brock Lesnar for later tonight.

Elsewhere, Kurt Angle chastises Chavo Jr. and Sr. (wearing the fedora) for lying to him and their treatment of Eddie. He’s going to teach them a lesson in the ring tonight. 

Tajiri def. Billy Kidman

This is a Royal Rumble qualifying match. Tajiri is not accompanied by Akio and Sakoda. 

Kidman starts out with an arm drag and a hurricanrana, but Tajiri throws him off the top rope. Tajiri with a kick to the arm and locks in a hold, as Kidman fights out of it with a drop toehold. Kidman bumps him a few times, but Tajiri keeps kicking the arm.

Kidman counters the handspring elbow with a dropkick to the back, but misses the Shooting Star Press. The Buzzsaw Kick sends Tajiri to the Rumble. 

Rating: D - Well, that was quick. They tried to tell a story, but there’s only so much you can do when you’re given so little time. There was no real storyline behind the match and the fans didn’t really care. A far cry from the bangers they were having just a couple of years earlier.

Backstage, Big Show is sick of Lesnar following him around and lets him know he got the restraining order to protect himself from Hardcore Holly, not Brock. Show needs time for himself, to think about his match tonight and think about the Rumble, which he’s going to win. Lesnar laughs at the notion of Show challenging him for the WWE Title, but Show tells Brock it might be Holly he challenges at WrestleMania, depending on how things go at the Rumble. I think I just heard the WWE stock price dropping.

Dawn Marie comes out and informs everyone that the winner of the next match will be entered into the Royal Rumble. Thanks, Dawn.

A-Train def. Shannon Moore

A-Train has shaved his beard off and somehow looks even more unsettling. Moore ducks a clothesline and fires off some forearms, but gets thrown to the ground. He drop-toeholds Train into the turnbuckle and continues to tee off, but Train hip tosses him into the turnbuckles. Train tries to put him in the Gory Stretch, but here’s The Cat (Ernest Miller, not Stacy Carter) and Lamont to do some dancing. Alright then.

The distraction allows Moore to hit a dropkick and roll up for two, but Train is done playing and swings Moore into the steel steps at ringside. Back inside, the Derailer sends him to the Rumble. 

Grade: D - Just another quick match to get A-Train into the Rumble. The Cat had to show up to remind you that he still exists (not for long) and is already in the Rumble (for some reason). 

Backstage, Lesnar, Morgan and Rhyno are getting fired up in Heyman’s office. No Show, though. Heyman promises that he’s just getting fired up on his own and will be ready come match time, which is next.

We get a video recap on the Lesnar/Holly feud. 

John Cena & Chris Benoit def. Brock Lesnar, Big Show, Matt Morgan & Rhyno - 4-on-2 Handicap Match

Paul Heyman is sitting on his big lifeguard chair at ringside. Cena’s pre-match rap is full of homosexual jokes about Heyman and his opponents, very much showing 2004 WWE’s age. Backstage, a forklift has barricaded Show in his dressing room, so now it’s three-on-two.

Brock runs away from Benoit to start and tags in Morgan. Benoit lights him up with chops, kicks and forearms in the corner before tagging out to Cena, who hits a slam for one. Tag to Rhyno, who gets hip-tossed but Cena tries to go after Heyman and gets stomped down by Rhyno.

Cena with a clothesline and then tags in Benoit, who gets a snap suplex. Rhyno with a power post and tag to Brock, but Benoit hits him with a jawbreaker and tags to Cena. They mess up a spot, so Lesnar just boots him down. They then repeat the spot, with Lesnar hitting a big spinebuster. 

The heels work over Cena for a bit until Brock misses a corner charge and Cena hits a DDT. Benoit is in like a house of fire as he hits Brock with two rolling Germans and then dodges a Gore, which hits Lesnar. Morgan takes a couple of rolling Germans before Benoit counters Brock’s F5 attempt into the Crippler Crossface. Rhyno breaks it up and hits Benoit with a spinebuster.

Brock has had enough and decides to walk away, but is attacked by Hardcore Holly in the aisle. Referees and road agents Fit Finlay and John Laurinaitis come and break it up, as Brock hits a cheap shot and slinks off. 

Back from the break and now it’s just a standard tag match with Benoit playing face-in-peril. Eventually, Morgan misses an elbow drop and Benoit rocks him with an enziguri to the back of the head. Hot tag to Cena, who hits a clothesline and the Throwback on Rhyno, before coming off the top with an elbow to the back of Rhyno’s head.

Rhyno hits a belly-to-belly suplex and goes for the Gore, but Cena moves and gets two off a schoolboy. Cena ducks a clothesline and hits the FU for the three. 

After the match, Benoit and Cena tip Heyman into the ring from his lifeguard chair, but the Big Show has escaped from his emotional prison and lays them both out, ending with chokeslams. He tosses Cena and then Benoit over the top rope for good measure.

Grade: C - Kind of a fun deal here as they got from a 4-on-2 handicap match to a standard tag, while continuing the (admittedly lame) Brock/Holly feud and getting over Benoit and Cena as stars on the rise who are rebelling against authority.

Bradshaw def. Akio & Sakoda - Triple Threat

This is another Royal Rumble qualifying match. Akio and Sakoda go for the double team but get bumped around with shoulder blocks and elbows. Bradshaw hits Sakoda with a Last Call off the second, but Akio breaks up the pin. They finally turn the tide when Akio hits a jumping kick and start the double teaming. 

Bradshaw is sent to the outside and Akio surprises Sakoda with a schoolboy and then a Liger kick. Bradshaw is back in with a big boot on Sakoda, however, and finishes off Akio with a Clothesline from Hell (as Akio was jumping from the top rope). 

Grade: D - Nothing offensive here but, like the earlier Rumble qualifiers, it was short and there wasn’t much suspense when it came to who was actually going to win.

Backstage, Kurt tries to give Eddie a pep talk, basically telling him to keep his emotions in check tonight. If Eddie could control his Latino Heat, he could become WWE Champion someday. Pfft, yeah right, Kurt. Good one.

We get a video showing Rey Mysterio, fresh off the runaway success of his hit single ‘Crossing Borders’ from the WWE Originals CD, pondering a future career in hip-hop. Who does this guy think he is? Macho Man Randy Savage?

As an aside, Billy Gunn’s greatest ever moment was edited off this version of the show, probably because WWE are still too afraid of how popular Billy Gunn would become if they didn’t try to hold him back. It was the infamous ‘commitment ceremony’ with Chuck, in case you were wondering. Billy will be back at the Rumble.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. & Chavo Sr. def. Eddie Guerrero & Kurt Angle

Michael Cole claims that this is the first time Eddie and Chavo Jr. will face off in a professional wrestling match, because WCW never actually existed. Kurt has to hold Eddie back to start. Speaking of backs, Eddie’s is massive at this moment, as he’s clearly not skipping the gym. Could use a trip to the pharmacy for all that back acne, mind. 

Anyway, Kurt and Jr. start, with Kurt outwrestling and taking him down several times. He continues to control things with a shoulder block and an arm drag, as Jr. bails. Tag to Sr. as he and Kurt fight over a hammerlock before Kurt hits an arm drag and then one for Jr., with Eddie jumping in and the Chavos retreating. 

Eddie finally gets tagged in and he knocks Sr. off the ring apron before throwing Jr. over the top rope. Sr. hits Eddie from behind as Jr. throws Eddie back in the ring and hits a nice back suplex. Sr. chokes Eddie while the referee’s back is turned, before tagging in and slapping on a chinlock.

They continue to isolate and work over Eddie, who finally hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and a dropkick before making the hot tag to Kurt. Angle cleans house with clotheslines and German suplexes before getting Jr. in the ankle lock. He goes to hit the Angle slam on Sr., but Jr. breaks it up with a chop block. 

Eddie tags himself in as he and Kurt hit a couple of suplexes. Kurt appears to have been thumbed in the eye, however, and ‘accidentally’ hits Eddie with an Angle slam. Sr. hits a DDT on Eddie and Chavo follows up with the frog splash for the win, as referees and doctors take Angle backstage. 

Grade: C - Half-decent tag match here, as Chavo Jr. picks up a big win heading into the grudge match at the Rumble. But it’s clear that WWE are working towards Eddie versus Angle with a nice slow build. That one should be worth the wait.

Show Grade: C+ - A pretty damn good Royal Rumble go-home show here, with a clear focus on the Rumble itself and the Los Guerreros drama. Brock Lesnar continues to be something of an afterthought and his WWE Title defence against Hardcore Holly has no steam, unfortunately. See you at the Rumble!